I’m writing a poem,
I don’t know why.
I should stop this,
Or you’ll think I’m high.
She said, “It’s important to remember that when you’re depressed, you have to nurse yourself and be extra gentle towards yourself. An athlete wouldn’t break an ankle and then force themselves to run with that ankle. They rest as it heals and do not think “I am a failed athlete”. Instead, they think, “Right now something isn’t working right, so I’ll take care of myself until it does.”
Give it time.
Let it heal.
You’re going to be okay.
Breathe and remember that you’ve been in this place before.
You’ve been this uncomfortable and anxious and scared, and you’ve survived.
Breathe and know that you can survive this too. These feelings can’t break you.
They’re painful and debilitating, but you can sit with them and eventually, they will pass. Maybe not immediately, but sometime soon, they are going to fade and when they do, you’ll look back at this moment and laugh for having doubted your resilience.
I know it feels unbearable right now, but keep breathing, again and again.
This will pass.
I promise it will pass.
Result day is near. Everyone, including me, is freaking out and having meltdowns. Oh, such nerve wracking days! Most of my time is spent trying not to think about results, frantically calling friends and ranting when I realise it’s not working and then eventually drowning in my tears.
So here’s my #HappyList that I’ve decided to cross off instead:
- Watch a new series 💻.
- Re-watch another series 💻.
- Watch movies 📺.
- Read lots of books 📚.
- Read a fanfiction 📖.
- Watch anime series 🎌.
- Or Netflix 💻.
- Troll trough memes + Instagram 😂.
- Cat videos 😹.
- Jam to music 🎧.
- Eat good food 🍲.
- Water plants + talk to them 🌿.
- Take long baths 🛀.
- Eat ice-creams 🍦.
- Make people laugh 😂.
- Hold hands while walking👫.
- Go to pet stores 🌍.
- Do photography 📷.
- Drawing + colouring 🎨.
- Rainy days are rare. GET OUTSIDE 🌈.
- Pet dogs 🐕.
- Watch sunsets 🌇.
- Take pictures of nature 🌸.
- Hug Mom ❤.
- Write a story 📝.
- FRIDAY 😂.
- Think positively 🔯.
- Sing along to the radio 📻.
- Talk to my bestfriend who isn’t on speaking terms with me 💔.
- Daydream alot 💭.
- Drink freshly-squeezed lemonade 🍹.
- Share good beer with great friends 🍻.
- Sleep with the windows open on cool nights 🍃.
- Play video games with my idiotic brother 🎮.
Make your own #HappyList or write about the things that make you happy in the comments.
So until my fate is decided, au revoir, prends soin de toi.
1. Push yourself to get up before the rest of the world – start with 9am, then 8am, then 7am, then 6am, then 5:30am. Go to the nearest hill with a big coat and a scarf and watch the sun rise.
2. Push yourself to fall asleep earlier – start with 12pm, then 11pm, then 10pm, then 9pm. Wake up in the morning feeling re-energized and comfortable.
3. Get into the habit of cooking yourself a beautiful breakfast. Fry tomatoes and mushrooms in real butter and garlic, fry an egg, slice up a fresh avocado and squirt way too much lemon on it. Sit and eat it and do nothing else.
4. Stretch. Start by reaching for the sky as hard as you can, then trying to touch your toes. roll your head. Stretch your fingers. Stretch everything.
5. Buy a 1L water bottle. Start with pushing yourself to drink the whole thing in a day, then try drinking it twice.
6. Buy a beautiful diary and a black pen. write down everything you do, including dinner dates, appointments, assignments, coffees, what you need to do that day. No detail is too small.
7. Strip your bed of your sheets and empty your underwear draw into the washing machine. Put a massive scoop of scented fabric softener in there and wash. Make your bed in full.
8. Organise your room. Fold all your clothes (and bag what you don’t want), clean your mirror, your laptop, clean the floor. Light a beautiful scented candle.
9. Have a luxurious shower with your favourite music playing. Wash your hair, scrub your body, brush your teeth, lather your whole body in moisturiser, get familiar with the part between your toes, your inner thighs, the back of your neck.
10. Push yourself to go for a walk. Take your headphones, go to the beach and walk. Smile at strangers walking the other way and be surprised how many smile back. Pet a dog and observe the dog’s behaviour. Realise you can learn from your dog.
11. Message old friends with personal jokes. Reminisce. Suggest a catch up soon, even if you don’t follow through. Push yourself to follow through.
12. Think long and hard about what interests you. Crime? Sex? Boarding school? Long-forgotten romance etiquette? Time-travel? Find a book about it and read it. There is a book about literally everything.
13. Become the person you would ideally fall in love with. Let cars merge into your lane when driving. Pay for the train ticket of the person behind you. Smile at strangers.
14. Stick your tongue out at babies. Compliment people on their cute outfits. Challenge yourself to not ridicule anyone for a whole day. Then two. Then a week. Walk with a straight posture. Look people in the eye. Ask people about their story. Talk to acquaintances so they become friends.
15. Lie in the sunshine. Daydream about the life you would lead if failure wasn’t a thing. Open your eyes. Take small steps to make it happen for you.
“The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.”
It is often said that there’s no such thing as a selfless act—that any time we do something to help another person, we get something in return. It might not be much. Maybe it’ll just be a warm fuzzy feeling. Or a token of appreciation. But there’s always something.
I know you get that good feels when you help someone else. To me, it is a completely acceptable type of selfishness. What gives me cause for concern are the “little” expectations we often have when we give “selflessly.”