How BTS made me realize it’s okay to not have a dream yet.

You haven’t come to a full stop if you aren’t sure how to move forward. I think that’s something we all need to hear at some point in our lives. 

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“What do you want to be when you grow up?”

It’s a question I’ve been asked numerous times. I think the first time I was asked about it was in 1st std by my teacher when we were learning about professions. It hasn’t stopped since then.

My answers tend to change ever so often. In fact it’s rumored that an average person changes their career path almost 7 times. However there are some people who know what they want to do right from the start.

For those of us who don’t, it’s easy to feel lost. The feeling gets worse the longer it goes on. I’m in my second year of UG and I’m still unsure about what I’ll do once I graduate. It’s scary because if we don’t know what we want to do NOW, when will we know?

Everyone is expected to have a dream and chase after it unrelentingly until we achieve it, but what about the ones who don’t have a dream yet?

It’s when I feel helpless and down, struck by this numbing fear that I turn to music for relief.

I wish I could explain why I love BTS (Bangtan Boys- K-pop boy group) more than any other artist I listen to. It’s probably because they recognize the feeling of fear that stems from not knowing what to do with your life.

Seven boys talking about important things that those around me don’t talk about.

It was during my 12th boards that I heard the song “So Far Away” by Suga (of BTS) in his solo album ‘Agust D’. When I looked up the translation, a line really stuck out:

‘Everything’s going to be alright if you go to university and do as we tell you.’

I’m the asshole for believing those words.

When I was a kid, I wanted to be a writer. I soon realized that it was too ambitious a career and I should stick to something more realistic and safe. That’s what most people expect.

However we still question our choices. I’ve sat countless late nights with my friends, while we question if we’re making the right choices. No one knows for sure. We still push ourselves though. Uncertainty isn’t an excuse for falling behind in school. But it’s certainly hard to push ourselves towards something we aren’t even sure about.

BTS released a song called ‘Paradise’ last year. It’s lyrics go like:

It’s alright to stop

There’s no need to run without even knowing the reason

It’s alright to not have a dream

If you have moments where you feel happiness for a while

It’s alright to stop

Now we don’t run without knowing the destination

It’s alright to not have a dream

I’m not saying that education isn’t important. No. What I’m saying is that it’s ridiculous to compare yourself to people around you. You’ll get to your destination in your time.

BTS constantly emphasizes that being happy in the moment is enough for now. Our dreams need not be the same as those of others.

It’s refreshing to hear someone with a global platform say that. Especially when those around aren’t. Tons of their lyrics assure me that I’m not the only one to feel this way.

“Wherever you are right now, you are just taking a break” is from the song ‘Tomorrow’. I see my friends take steps towards their careers while I remain at a standstill. I remind myself of this lyrics when I start feeling inadequate.

You haven’t come to a full stop it you’re unsure about how to move forward. I think that’s something we all need to hear at some point in our lives.

My kinda revelations.

•It’s okay to be passionate about the things I love and that there are things worth throwing myself into with all my heart, soul, and might. Even if those things seem risky, painful, or put me in a vulnerable place.

•That living with passion is a worthwhile endeavor.

•That I should find someone who is my kind of f*cked up.

•That there are people out there that are just as excited as me about my twisted goals as I am.

•I should spend my time around people who think my flaws and strengths are part of my own perfection.

•I should find people who WANT to put in the energy and effort to make me feel like I’m important to them. And I emphasize want because I’ve seen so many people “willing,” which is more of a begrudging, dragging themselves through the process vs someone who actively finds that pursuit worthwhile.

•People can love someone, no matter what they look like or how others think about them. Your thing is your thing and that’s perfect in its own way.

•No matter what you think you look like or feel like, there are people out there that love and are aroused by exactly that.

•Others will judge things they don’t understand and will cast me as a villain without considering that I too may have a complex and completely relatable story.

•I shouldn’t pretend to be something I’m not.

•Sometimes forcing myself to fit in to somewhere I don’t belong can cause more damage in the long run.

•I don’t need to be included in everything to have value.

•And no matter how different someone may be from me, I should treat them with civility, like a human being.

•That they might not like my way of doing things, and that’s okay. They don’t have to.

•No matter how much I wish it weren’t so, some people are just garbage.

•And that even those people can change over time.

Know your worth.

Know your worth.

When someone treats you like you’re just one of many option, help them narrow their choices by removing yourself from the equation. Sometimes you have to try not to care, no matter how much you do. Because sometimes you can mean almost nothing to someone who means so much to you. It’s not pride, it’s self-respect. Don’t give part-time people a full-time position in your life. Know your value & what you have to offer, and never settle for anything less than what you deserve.

Know your worth.

3 AM poems

I’m writing a poem,

I don’t know why.

I should stop this,

Or you’ll think I’m high.

Let it heal.

My counselor told me something really meaningful and profound recently.

She said, “It’s important to remember that when you’re depressed, you have to nurse yourself and be extra gentle towards yourself. An athlete wouldn’t break an ankle and then force themselves to run with that ankle. They rest as it heals and do not think “I am a failed athlete”. Instead, they think, “Right now something isn’t working right, so I’ll take care of myself until it does.”

Just like a broken bone, depression can change the way your daily life plays out, and pushing yourself too hard and getting frustated when you don’t feel better is just like trying to run on that broken ankle and getting frustated when it doesn’t heal.

Give it time.

Let it heal.

Breathe. This will pass.

Breathe.

You’re going to be okay.

Breathe and remember that you’ve been in this place before.

You’ve been this uncomfortable and anxious and scared, and you’ve survived.

Breathe and know that you can survive this too. These feelings can’t break you.

They’re painful and debilitating, but you can sit with them and eventually, they will pass. Maybe not immediately, but sometime soon, they are going to fade and when they do, you’ll look back at this moment and laugh for having doubted your resilience.

I know it feels unbearable right now, but keep breathing, again and again.

This will pass.

I promise it will pass.

The art of giving without expecting.

“The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.”

It is often said that there’s no such thing as a selfless act—that any time we do something to help another person, we get something in return. It might not be much. Maybe it’ll just be a warm fuzzy feeling. Or a token of appreciation. But there’s always something.

I know you get that good feels when you help someone else. To me, it is a completely acceptable type of selfishness. What gives me cause for concern are the “little” expectations we often have when we give “selflessly.”

We’ve all been there. You cover for your friend because you know they’ll cover for you. You give your brother 50 ₹, and then keep reminding him of it every time you need a work to be done by him. You help your friend, and then feel bad when she isn’t as supportive as you were. There are tons of examples.

These expectations cause more stress than happiness. They lead to disappointment if the person you helped doesn’t return the kindness, sometimes places a wedge in your​ relationships; makes you feel incredibly guilty about expecting something in return.

Ask your self ‘What do you expect in return of this?’ If the answer is happiness, do it! Otherwise, don’t even think about it.

I’ve made a list of things you can do to show you care and that you are thoughtful, without wanting the receiver​ to return the kindness. Ways where giving is its own reward. (Although I’ve written you, these are things I try.)


1) Let someone tell you a story- without feeling the need to interrupt them, one-up them or tell your own

2) Let someone vent- even if you can’t offer a solution, just lend them your ears and your support.

3) Help someone who is struggling with difficult feelings- by admitting you’ve felt the same way and giving advices to cope with them.

4) Tell someone how they make you feel-even if it makes you feel vulnerable; just to let them know they’re loved and not alone.

5) Hold someone’s hand when they feel vulnerable- to let them know you haven’t abandoned them.

6) Give your undivided attention to the person in front of you- even when you’re tempted to let your thoughts wander; just to show them their words are valuable to you.

7) Accompany someone to an appointment that they’re stressed about or drive them to an interview- when they need support just to help them feel strong.

8) Leave a thoughtful comment on someone’s blog- not to increase your views but rather to show them how their blog affected you and made you feel

9) Tell someone you believe in them- even if they haven’t always shown you the same support.

10) Tell someone that you know they meant well- instead of using their mistake as an opportunity to make them feel guilty.

None of us is always kind. Human nature dictates, we always give with one eye on what we receive. And it’s okay as long as we put a conscious effort in doing something for someone just for the sake of doing it; without expectations.

Not expecting doesn’t mean you’re​ giving other people permission to treat you thoughtlessly. It means you’re​ checking​ your motivations and giving because you want to, and then asking for things directly when you need them. People who care about you will be there for you.

What would you do just to show that you care?