3 AM poems

I’m writing a poem,

I don’t know why.

I should stop this,

Or you’ll think I’m high.


Let it heal.

My counselor told me something really meaningful and profound recently.

She said, “It’s important to remember that when you’re depressed, you have to nurse yourself and be extra gentle towards yourself. An athlete wouldn’t break an ankle and then force themselves to run with that ankle. They rest as it heals and do not think “I am a failed athlete”. Instead, they think, “Right now something isn’t working right, so I’ll take care of myself until it does.”

Just like a broken bone, depression can change the way your daily life plays out, and pushing yourself too hard and getting frustated when you don’t feel better is just like trying to run on that broken ankle and getting frustated when it doesn’t heal.

Give it time.

Let it heal.

Breathe. This will pass.


You’re going to be okay.

Breathe and remember that you’ve been in this place before.

You’ve been this uncomfortable and anxious and scared, and you’ve survived.

Breathe and know that you can survive this too. These feelings can’t break you.

They’re painful and debilitating, but you can sit with them and eventually, they will pass. Maybe not immediately, but sometime soon, they are going to fade and when they do, you’ll look back at this moment and laugh for having doubted your resilience.

I know it feels unbearable right now, but keep breathing, again and again.

This will pass.

I promise it will pass.

Make a list. A #HappyList.

Result day is near. Everyone, including me, is freaking out and having meltdowns. Oh, such nerve wracking days! Most of my time is spent trying not to think about results, frantically calling friends and ranting when I realise it’s not working and then eventually drowning in my tears.

So here’s my #HappyList that I’ve decided to cross off instead:

  • Watch a new series 💻.
  • Re-watch another series 💻.
  • Watch movies 📺.
  • Read lots of books 📚.
  • Read a fanfiction 📖.
  • Watch anime series 🎌.
  • Or Netflix 💻.
  • Troll trough memes + Instagram 😂.
  • Cat videos 😹.
  • Jam to music 🎧.
  • Eat good food 🍲.
  • Water plants + talk to them 🌿.
  • Take long baths 🛀.
  • Eat ice-creams 🍦.
  • Make people laugh 😂.
  • Hold hands while walking👫.
  • Go to pet stores 🌍.
  • Do photography 📷.
  • Drawing + colouring 🎨.
  • Rainy days are rare. GET OUTSIDE 🌈.
  • Pet dogs 🐕.
  • Watch sunsets 🌇.
  • Take pictures of nature 🌸.
  • Hug Mom ❤.
  • Write a story 📝.
  • FRIDAY 😂.
  • Think positively 🔯.
  • Sing along to the radio 📻.
  • Talk to my bestfriend who isn’t​ on speaking terms with me 💔.
  • Daydream alot 💭.
  • Drink freshly-squeezed lemonade 🍹.
  • Share good beer with great friends 🍻.
  • Sleep with the windows open on cool nights 🍃.
  • Play video games with my idiotic brother 🎮.

Make your own #HappyList or write about the things that make you happy in the comments. 

So until my fate is decided, au revoir, prends soin de toi.

I’m sorry.

Dear friend,

You were beautiful. Not in the old-fashioned, high cheekbones, heart-shaped face, slender figure, soft and flowing hair sort of way. No. You were beautiful in your own quirky, kind-hearted, sweet way. You always smiled at me from across the hallway and gave that wave that no one else could ever imitate. You were always happy and I couldn’t ever figure out why. You said hello to everyone and spoke to them as if they were important to you. You smiled, no matter what.

But you also had that other side that you hid so well. You were good at it. Hiding that side, I mean. You’d slip up sometimes. I’d notice it always. But I never confronted you about it. I always thought to myself, “She’s strong enough to deal with it”. I realised too late that you weren’t.

I know it’s too late but I need you to know that I’m sorry. And that I never wanted this to happen. I didn’t know that you were hurting so bad. I thought that this was normal. I fucked up, I know.

But now you’re gone. And nothing I say can bring you back. Maybe I was one of the reasons why. Maybe I was what started it. Or maybe I was what pushed you over the edge.

I like to give myself a false sense of comfort and think, “There were no signs”. I know that if I had looked closely, I would have seen the sadness you hid so well. I’m sorry I didn’t look. I’m sorry I didn’t realise. I’m sorry I fucked up so badly.

I know nothing I say will bring you back but I just wanted you to know how fucking sorry I am. I killed you. I killed your spirit. I killed your will. I killed your soul.

And I’m sorry.

Suicide prevention helpline number: +91 22 2556 3291

Don’t hesitate to call. Nobody deserves to die like this.

You are beautiful, dear stranger.

Dear whoever is reading this,

I don’t know who you are or what you are going through in your life but I just wanted to say that you are beautiful. We are all beautiful in our own special way, no matter what size, shape or color. And we all should truly feel comfortable in our own skin and confident with who we are. I know people tend to throw negativity in other people’s directions and that it isn’t right. Why is it so easy to be mean to each other but so hard to be nice? This post may get lost in this sea of posts but I hope that this will touch at least one person’s heart. You are beautiful, you are important and I am glad that you are alive because without you, something irreplaceable would be missing. I hope you have an amazing day, beautiful stranger.


A girl who is trying to spread a little kindness in this cruel, yet beautiful world.

About journals and journeys​.

When I was a child, I used to try to keep a journal. I would see all these movies and TV shows (read: Lol and The vampire diaries) where the actors used to fill in their journal everyday and I think to myself ‘I want that’. I want to be able to express myself this freely.

You see, being a introvert meant keeping most of my thoughts to myself and listening to other people more than talking to them. And honestly, after a while, I started hating it. I hated the fact that people thought I didn’t have an opinion, that they didn’t care about my feelings, that they hurt me as if I didn’t matter. And I hated myself for not speaking up. I needed an outlet. And so I started writing. But no, I didn’t make a fancy journal like I wanted to. I wrote my feelings on pieces of papers and hid them. I didn’t want my family to see them. They wouldn’t understand. I didn’t want myself to reread them. It would make me feel pathetic. So I hid them all and never saw them again.

Until recently, when I was cleaning my cupboard. I reread them all. I didn’t feel​ pathetic like I thought I would. I felt proud. I felt happy. I felt strong. I felt lots of things. But not pathetic. I laughed when I read what I had written. Why? Because I grew up to be way differently then I wrote I would​, I have better friends, I don’t hate those people anymore and most importantly, I am happy. I am happy with my introverted self and my friends understand me, I have learnt to stand up for myself and for what​ I believe in and I don’t care about what other people say anymore.

Time and circumstances change you. If you hate yourself, your job, your teachers, your situations or anything else; it’s okay. It gonna pass eventually. You can’t and you won’t hate it forever. Your circumstances make you stronger and time heals you. But it’s like a journey. A journey that is full of potholes and blocked roads. But honestly, it’s a journey you have to be willing to take. You cannot just expect time to heal you. You have to facilitate it to heal you by taking the first step. YOU have to start this journey. YOU have to decide the route. YOU have to select your companions. YOU have to carry your luggage.

YOUR journey is all about YOU.

So, make sure you give it your all. You deserve it and you are worth it.