Let it heal.

My counselor told me something really meaningful and profound recently.

She said, “It’s important to remember that when you’re depressed, you have to nurse yourself and be extra gentle towards yourself. An athlete wouldn’t break an ankle and then force themselves to run with that ankle. They rest as it heals and do not think “I am a failed athlete”. Instead, they think, “Right now something isn’t working right, so I’ll take care of myself until it does.”

Just like a broken bone, depression can change the way your daily life plays out, and pushing yourself too hard and getting frustated when you don’t feel better is just like trying to run on that broken ankle and getting frustated when it doesn’t heal.

Give it time.

Let it heal.

Advertisements

Dear diary.

Dear diary,

Today was different. Today felt different. Maybe it was because today was one of my dear friends birthday. Or maybe because I binge watched a really good series. I don’t know. But it felt​ good. I don’t know how to explain “it”.

So instead, I’ll explain how I feels. It’s how breathing fresh air after sitting in a smokey room for too long feels. Having such moments of clarity feels good. Especially when I’m always surrounded by noise, rush and poisoned thoughts. Thoughts that I can’t escape from. What if I’m not good enough? What if they don’t like me? What if I mess up? What if?

So, today I focused only on the positives.

  • I didn’t fall off the bed while waking up.
  • My phone didn’t fall from my hand all day.
  • I didn’t smoke today 
  • I petted a cute little dog. 
  • I didn’t cancel any plans.
  • I didn’t judge myself when I stood in front of the mirror. 
  • I made everyone in the room laugh with my awkwardness.
  • I spent time with an elderly lady.

These may seem frivolous. Or maybe downright hilarious. But when you’re always looking at things negatively, this is something you learn to appreciate.

This feeling that I’ve got? I don’t want it to go. Ever.