Music. That’s all I hear today. I woke up to blaring music and wondered what was so happy about this holi. Living on the 16th floor doesn’t make the music any softer (ugh). I ate my breakfast bobbing my head to the beats. I danced to the music later, in my room, only to have mum glare at me. I wondered what was so happy about this holi.
Wondering why I’m so bummed about holi this year? Let me explain.
You see, holi is one of my favourite festival. I believe that it is not only the festival of colours, but also the festival of love, equality and all things good. This is the only festival where anyone can get crazy drunk and no one will bat an eyelid. It’s the best thing ever. And my building committee goes all out on holi. There’s rain dance, unlimited powdered colour to throw on people, a buffet of sorts AND unlimited alcohol (who doesn’t love it?) And bhang, the drink with marijuana is customary (how did I forget it!?). Getting drunk and dancing with your friends till you drop is so much fun.
Guess who is missing out on all that fun this year? That’s right, me! How nice, right?
And guess why? Board exams are going on and mum insists that I should be studying instead of having fun (as if I can study with all this music blasting from the speakers). And the worst part of this? My whole family is down. Except for me. I can see people dancing and having fun through my balcony, but I feel like a creeper when looking at them. Oh, fun!
So here’s me, sitting on my bed, eating lots of snack and having no alcohol, staring at the wall, wishing you all a happy holi while wondering what’s so happy about it this year.
Psychologists believe that this is the most powerful question you can ever ask yourself. And what’s suprising is that there’s always a plausible answer to this question. People who ask this sort of question typically strugge with their identity or self-worth and are searching for an affirmative answer and are mostly teenagers going through identity crisis. The irony is that the more you seek to find an answer to who you are, the more fragile you are likely to feel about yourself. The importance should not be on discovering who you are but on allowing or facilitating our true self to shine through.
How different would life be if rather than asking who am I, we asked how we’d like to be and actually did something about it?
Finding it hard to understand what I mean? Here’s an example most psychologists use when explaining this.
Imagine that you’ve been in prison for twenty years, put there since the age of eighteen. You literally have no adult life experience outside of the prison. Your sense of self is tragically limited. You might ask yourself, “Who am I? This would likely provoke a fragile sense of self that paradoxically might leave you most apprehensive about your imminent release. You’d hardly choose to remain imprisoned until you could find your identity. You’d have to permit that new sense of self to flow from your new experiences.
The main reason I’m writing this post is for you to understand that it isn’t important to find out who you are. That question will only make you feel inadequate and leave you stuck in a pit.
Instead, live your life meaningfully, gain new experiences, have a better bond with people, find new hobbies, follow your dreams and live your passion. I cannot stress enough on how important it is to do what you love. Your sense of self-worth should come from how happy you are with what you do and not from the way you look, the clothes you wear or the things you own.
Because honestly, it’s not what you have that makes you who you are. Rather, it’s what you do and how you live your life.
Here’s what freedom means to me. It means trying out new things, drinking, smoking, being weird, doping, roaming around at midnight, traveling with my friends, breaking a few rules, experiencing new things and just being my crazy self before I kick the bucket.
But it also means not being questioned, criticized and judged for everything I do. It means not having people give me filthy looks and sneering at me for enjoying my life, trying to make me change and giving me ultimatums if I don’t. Yes, some of the things I do might offend you. But isn’t that what life is about? Isn’t it about making memories, going places, seeing new things, having experiences and living instead of just existing? Yes, I might make mistakes and things may go wrong. But these decisions that I make are what define me. These decisions are what make me unique. These decisions are what shape my future. And I decide to be free. So stop trying to change my definition of freedom to accommodate with your definition of it.
Dear fellow teenagers,
It’s scary that so many of us become shy, anxious, extremely emotional and depressed as we grow up. All the social pressure, stress and hormonal changes builds up into this strong and unstable feeling in our throats, that feeling that chains us up as we struggle to break free, that feeling where we can’t see beauty in ourself anymore, that feeling when you spill the contents of the puzzle box.
Believe me when I say; deep down, it’s fine that we don’t want to try anymore. Because let’s be honest; what’s the use of breaking free when we are going to be imprisoned, again and again, over and over again. But life doesn’t end with one person feeling alone or scared or depressed. Unfortunately, so many people believe that it does. And sadly, some people perish because of it.
So, pick up the puzzle pieces that you dropped. Spend your time putting the pieces together. Stop running around with it safely tucked away inside the box. Believe me, you will see the big picture when the day comes. Believe me, it will be beautiful. It will be all you ever asked for and more. It will make you inherently happy and satisfied.
You are not worthless. You are not a monster when negativity hits you like a brick. You are not ugly. You are not useless. You are not any of the things people say that you are. Diamonds are under pressure before they are beautiful, gold has to go into a furnace before it shines. Remember, beauty is not something that you see or touch. It is the feeling when you find the puzzle pieces fitting together. There is beauty in everything and everyone.
So look closely.
This is the post excerpt.
Since this is my first blog post, I think introductions are in order. I’m Celestine (big name, I know), first of her name, breaker of stereotypes, cursed with sarcasm, queen of the friendzone, protector of the realm of animals, surfer of cat memes, unapologetically flaunting my flaws.
I am the kind of person who believes in enjoying the moment that I have currently instead of regretting things of the past or worrying about the future. All I try to do is prepare myself to face any awkward situation that comes across my way. Adults are strange, but I’m cool with it. I love reading and I write when I can. I’m an introvert and a very awkward human.
Thank you for taking the time to go through my blog.