Love yourself.

You look great.

You look great in your glasses. You look great with your braces. You look great with your scars. You look great with your bruises. You look great with your birthmarks and moles. You look great even with your acne. You look great with that gap between your teeth. You look great if you’re thin. You look great if you are plump. You look great if you’re tall. You look great if you’re short. You look great with your tresses done. You look great with your hair pulled back.

You look great.

You look spectacular.

You look fabulous.

You look stunning.

Love yourself.

 

Make a list. A #HappyList.

Result day is near. Everyone, including me, is freaking out and having meltdowns. Oh, such nerve wracking days! Most of my time is spent trying not to think about results, frantically calling friends and ranting when I realise it’s not working and then eventually drowning in my tears.

So here’s my #HappyList that I’ve decided to cross off instead:

  • Watch a new series 💻.
  • Re-watch another series 💻.
  • Watch movies 📺.
  • Read lots of books 📚.
  • Read a fanfiction 📖.
  • Watch anime series 🎌.
  • Or Netflix 💻.
  • Troll trough memes + Instagram 😂.
  • Cat videos 😹.
  • Jam to music 🎧.
  • Eat good food 🍲.
  • Water plants + talk to them 🌿.
  • Take long baths 🛀.
  • Eat ice-creams 🍦.
  • Make people laugh 😂.
  • Hold hands while walking👫.
  • Go to pet stores 🌍.
  • Do photography 📷.
  • Drawing + colouring 🎨.
  • Rainy days are rare. GET OUTSIDE 🌈.
  • Pet dogs 🐕.
  • Watch sunsets 🌇.
  • Take pictures of nature 🌸.
  • Hug Mom ❤.
  • Write a story 📝.
  • FRIDAY 😂.
  • Think positively 🔯.
  • Sing along to the radio 📻.
  • Talk to my bestfriend who isn’t​ on speaking terms with me 💔.
  • Daydream alot 💭.
  • Drink freshly-squeezed lemonade 🍹.
  • Share good beer with great friends 🍻.
  • Sleep with the windows open on cool nights 🍃.
  • Play video games with my idiotic brother 🎮.

Make your own #HappyList or write about the things that make you happy in the comments. 

So until my fate is decided, au revoir, prends soin de toi.

I’m sorry.

Dear friend,

You were beautiful. Not in the old-fashioned, high cheekbones, heart-shaped face, slender figure, soft and flowing hair sort of way. No. You were beautiful in your own quirky, kind-hearted, sweet way. You always smiled at me from across the hallway and gave that wave that no one else could ever imitate. You were always happy and I couldn’t ever figure out why. You said hello to everyone and spoke to them as if they were important to you. You smiled, no matter what. 

But you were also annoying, super clingy and awkward.

I know it’s​ too late but I need you​ to know that I’m sorry. And that I never wanted this to happen. I didn’t know that you were hurting so bad. I thought that this was normal. Fucked up, I know.

But now you’re gone. And nothing I say can bring you back. Maybe I was just one of the reasons why. Maybe I was what started it. Or maybe I was what pushed you over the edge.

But there were no signs. Nothing looked out of the ordinary. If I had looked closely, maybe I would have seen the sadness you hid so well. I’m sorry I didn’t look. I’m sorry I didn’t realise. I’m sorry we fucked you up so badly, you didn’t even leave a note explaining why. You didn’t want anyone to get a closure.

I know nothing I say will bring you back but I just wanted you to know how fucking sorry I am. I killed you. I killed your spirit. I killed your will. I killed your soul.

And I’m sorry.

Suicide prevention helpline number: +91 22 2556 3291

Don’t hesitate to call. Nobody deserves to die like this.

You are beautiful, dear stranger.

Dear whoever is reading this,

I don’t know who you are or what you are going through in your life but I just wanted to say that you are beautiful. We are all beautiful in our own special way, no matter what size, shape or color. And we all should truly feel comfortable in our own skin and confident with who we are. I know people tend to throw negativity in other people’s directions and that it isn’t right. Why is it so easy to be mean to each other but so hard to be nice? This post may get lost in this sea of posts but I hope that this will touch at least one person’s heart. You are beautiful, you are important and I am glad that you are alive because without you, something irreplaceable would be missing. I hope you have an amazing day, beautiful stranger.

Sincerely,

A girl who is trying to spread a little kindness in this cruel, yet beautiful world.

Dear diary.

Dear diary,

Today was different. Today felt different. Maybe it was because today was one of my dear friends birthday. Or maybe because I binge watched a really good series. I don’t know. But it felt​ good. I don’t know how to explain “it”.

So instead, I’ll explain how I feels. It’s how breathing fresh air after sitting in a smokey room for too long feels. Having such moments of clarity feels good. Especially when I’m always surrounded by noise, rush and poisoned thoughts. Thoughts that I can’t escape from. What if I’m not good enough? What if they don’t like me? What if I mess up? What if?

So, today I focused only on the positives.

  • I didn’t fall off the bed while waking up.
  • My phone didn’t fall from my hand all day.
  • I didn’t smoke today 
  • I petted a cute little dog. 
  • I didn’t cancel any plans.
  • I didn’t judge myself when I stood in front of the mirror. 
  • I made everyone in the room laugh with my awkwardness.
  • I spent time with an elderly lady.

These may seem frivolous. Or maybe downright hilarious. But when you’re always looking at things negatively, this is something you learn to appreciate.

This feeling that I’ve got? I don’t want it to go. Ever.

About journals and journeys​.

When I was a child, I used to try to keep a journal. I would see all these movies and TV shows (read: Lol and The vampire diaries) where the actors used to fill in their journal everyday and I think to myself ‘I want that’. I want to be able to express myself this freely.

You see, being a introvert meant keeping most of my thoughts to myself and listening to other people more than talking to them. And honestly, after a while, I started hating it. I hated the fact that people thought I didn’t have an opinion, that they didn’t care about my feelings, that they hurt me as if I didn’t matter. And I hated myself for not speaking up. I needed an outlet. And so I started writing. But no, I didn’t make a fancy journal like I wanted to. I wrote my feelings on pieces of papers and hid them. I didn’t want my family to see them. They wouldn’t understand. I didn’t want myself to reread them. It would make me feel pathetic. So I hid them all and never saw them again.

Until recently, when I was cleaning my cupboard. I reread them all. I didn’t feel​ pathetic like I thought I would. I felt proud. I felt happy. I felt strong. I felt lots of things. But not pathetic. I laughed when I read what I had written. Why? Because I grew up to be way differently then I wrote I would​, I have better friends, I don’t hate those people anymore and most importantly, I am happy. I am happy with my introverted self and my friends understand me, I have learnt to stand up for myself and for what​ I believe in and I don’t care about what other people say anymore.

Time and circumstances change you. If you hate yourself, your job, your teachers, your situations or anything else; it’s okay. It gonna pass eventually. You can’t and you won’t hate it forever. Your circumstances make you stronger and time heals you. But it’s like a journey. A journey that is full of potholes and blocked roads. But honestly, it’s a journey you have to be willing to take. You cannot just expect time to heal you. You have to facilitate it to heal you by taking the first step. YOU have to start this journey. YOU have to decide the route. YOU have to select your companions. YOU have to carry your luggage.

YOUR journey is all about YOU.

So, make sure you give it your all. You deserve it and you are worth it.

You label me.

Dear society,

You label me. Why? What goes on in your mind before you do? Do you just look at me from top to bottom and label me accordingly? Or do you label me according to my personality? And again, why?

I wear specs? I must be a nerd. I always cover myself​ up? I must be a prude. I keep my hair short? I must be a lesbian. I like converse? I must be a tomboy. I am fat? I must not be knowing when to stop eating. 

These lables are about my appearance. And oh, how did I forget the lables you put because of my behaviour!?

I talk too less? I don’t have a opinion of my own. I hang out with boys? I am a slut. I don’t​ date? I am unsure about my sexuality. I drink and smoke? I’m asking for attention. I laugh too much? I’m an airhead. I feel too much? I have a heavy baggage.

Why? Why can’t I wear specs because it’s hereditary? Why can’t I cover myself up because I like it that way? Why can’t I keep my hair short because long hair is a hassle for me? Why can’t I like converse because it’s comfortable? Why can’t I be fat because it’s in my genes?

Why can’t talking less mean that I’m an introvert? Why can’t I hang out with boys because it’s less drama? Why can’t I be dateless because I haven’t found the right one? Why can’t I drink and smoke because I want to? Why can’t I laugh if it makes me happy? Why can’t I be emotional if that’s what I want?

Why? Why do you have to label me for everything that I do or say. I am free to choose what I wear, where I go, what I do, who I date, what I like and who I hang out with, without having you judge me and label me.

So don’t. Just leave me alone. Don’t label me. I am not just what you label me as. I am much more than that. I am strongly​ opinionated, free spirited with a kind heart and a beautiful soul. I’m a wonderful person and if someone doesn’t understand this, it’s their problem. You are not an example for me to follow. You are a completely different person than me. I have my own individual personality. I don’t have to love what you love and you don’t have to label me for not being more like you. I am my own person and I refuse to adhere to your rules and standards as to how I should behave.

Love,

A labelled teenager.

Label