[A really lengthy post]
People assume you aren’t sick
unless they see the sickness on your skin,
like scars forming a map of all the ways you’re hurting.
My heart is a prison of “Have you tried?”s.
Have you tried exercising? Have you tried eating better?
Have you tried not being sad, not being sick?
Have you tried being more like me?
Have you tried shutting up?
Yes, I have tried.
Yes, I am still trying.
And yes, I am still sick.
Sometimes monsters are invisible, and
sometimes demons attack you from the inside.
Just because you cannot see the claws and the teeth does not mean they aren’t ripping through me.
Pain does not need to be seen to be felt.
Telling me there is no problem
won’t solve the problem.
This is not how miracles are born.
This is not how sickness works.
I understand how it feels to look calm in the outside but you’re deeply broken in the inside.
I understand how it feels when you’re being frank to people; telling about you’re facing a mental illness – where you have to fought valiantly everyday with the deep darkest thoughts in your brain and how did people react? They laugh and tell me to “fuck off because you don’t look sick” or “you don’t look mentally disabled”.
I understand how it feels to fight with our societies stigma that mental illness is a taboo – as we are unacceptable in society.
I understand how it feels when you have to battle with sudden suicide and self harm plan in your head.
I understand all those shit
I have to battle with my depression and anxiety; everyfuckingtime.
It is a hard cycle to conquer. The body is working against you. And because of this, you feel even more despair. Which only amplifies the imbalance. It takes uncommon strength to live with these things. But I have seen that strength over and over again.
And yet, trust me, there are some people who don’t believe this.
To my fellow friend who is in the same journey as me – to battle with our mental illness – you’re not alone ; keep fighting and let not your mental illness define you ❤